The Littlest Hitler

Just read the collection of short stories by Ryan Boudinot called "The Littlest Hitler."

Before I get started, it is not Nazi propaganda, Hitler glorification, or any other war time novel. I know I felt it would be Nazi(ish) after it was recommended by a good friend who a) Had to shorten his last name because the original German length was too long (or it was changed to avoid prosecution) b) Boasts a healthy collection of Nazi literature and Hitler based titles and c) Recently purchased an authentic SS uniform off ebay and had it altered to fit to his girthy and otherwise intimidating figure. Okay, so that last point I made up. But it fit so well I had to leave it.

On to the book. In the simplest terms I can possibly use - This was by far the funniest thing I have ever read on paper, computer, or watched on a TV/Movie screen. It was at times embarrassing to read on the streetcar as onlookers with expressions of confusion mixed with fear checked the title of the book and witnessed me in almost tear induced laughter. It almost reads like a humorous and intelligent adult take on stories from Tales from the Crypt.

In total there are roughly 18 stories (give or take) that cover some of the most absurd subject matter I have ever witnessed in a novel. The kicker is that all the stories start in a somewhat traditional manner and end up taking a left turn into some kind of warped alter-world that almost seems (even though far fetched) plausible at times. The stories touch on a budding office romance with a girl who wears a beard of bees to work, A father and son outing to a Doctor Who convention, and of course the story in which the title of the book takes its name from - The Littlest Hitler (I won't go into detail)

All and all, If ever I were to suggest something to digest in book form it would be this book. Do us all a favour though and read it on the street car. The looks you get from other riders are priceless.

What me worry?

Okay that last post about quitting was a tad bit on the dramatic side. Seems that quitting smoking only sucks for the first few days.

Things I already notice:

• More energy
• Better skin
• Better circulation
• Robust appetite

Man, I know they tell you the upside of quitting smoking all the time but it is so easy to ignore while you are in the midst of a smoky haze of self doubt and denial.

Why did I wait so many years to feel this good?

I was bored before I even began.

No one told me quiting smoking would be this bad. Treachery!
Damn, I should have waited until after the holidays.

This is way harder than I anticipated. Someone call for help.

New fits and shoes.

I know this is probably pretty lame of me to do...but I am also pretty sure nobody will tell me otherwise.

Some new shit I picked up:

Downtown Owl

I just finished reading the fictional novel by non fictional writer Chuck Klosterman called "Downtown Owl". I have to say, for a guy who has made a career writing observational pop culture gems (Fargo Rock City, Sex Drugs & Cocoa Puffs etc...) he really shows a talent for fiction. Although at times almost void of plot this has to be one of his best to date.

True to form, Klosterman stays as witty and bold as his other works while painting a picture of rural Midwest North Dakota and its strange but almost life like inhabitants. The story takes place in the mid 1980's and follows the lives of 4 random members of a close knit community called Owl, North Dakota. Although all 4 people share a somewhat intertwined existence (the towns entire population is 800) they also lead very separate and peculiar lives. It almost plays out like a voyeuristic peek into the real lives of real people. His depiction of the town and its occupants almost give you the idea that he grew up there and these were his friends and acquaintances.

It's a pretty quick read with quite a few laughable moments. I suggest if you are looking to stay out of the bitter cold and need something to read, hit your local book store and pick it up.
You won't be sorry.
or
Maybe you will.

Doesn't bother me either way.

"I don't dream about anyone - except myself"

You know I never understood why some girls out there make a career out of finding n'er do well guys and then proceed to have him undergo an "extreme make-over" at her hands.

This almost never works out in the girls favour. Actually, it's my experience that you end up setting the guy up to heighten his standards, open up a whole new league of women he has access to, and in turn he ends up ditching you for greener pastures.

It's actually quite funny how that works out. You fall for the "wounded bird" thing, come to his aid and fix him up just good enough that you are no longer good enough.

Let me save you some heart break here:

1.) If you are into the "treats you like crap thing" you have to understand that treating you like shit is his full time job. He won't change no matter how you dress him. Maybe that is your thing maybe it isn't. Either way you chose you are screwed.

2.) If you are into the "wounded bird" thing and feel that there is some good in there that you can conjure out of him - again, probably won't happen. If in the event he does start to realize that he isn't that bad off anymore, you are no longer a necessity. You just primed him up for someone he thinks he is better suited for.

I know too many girls that subscribe to either one or both of these forms of mating rituals. Those are the same girls that hate themselves, their lives, and end up on Speakers Corner one day bitching that there are no decent guys out there. Can you say "single for life?"

I wake up early in the afternoon just so I can calls 'em as I sees 'em.

Baaazing!

Hey Ronald...check this out!

True story:

This dude (pictured above) was charged with domestic assault & battery after pinging off his girlfriend at close range with a cheeseburger. I kid you not. I wish this wasn't a true story (as it is utterly ridiculous) but sadly it is.

I hope this guy enjoys his prison stay.

Here is the article:

"A Vero Beach, Florida man is behind bars after hitting his girlfriend several times with a cheeseburger.

The victim told sheriff's deputies that she was eating with boyfriend Vincent Gonzales in her car when the two began arguing.

When she threw his drink out of the car window, he retaliated by hitting her in the face with a cheeseburger.

He then pulled her from the car and struck her with the sandwich several more times.

Gonzales was charged with battery and domestic violence.

His bond has been set at $1,000."

Why didn't I think of this?

Is this guy a genius?
I am thinking yes.....yes he is.

Current Music Fixation - Chad VanGaalen

For those of you that visit/read this blog (which I assume is myself only) and you are looking for something new to listen to, I highly recommend looking into purchasing the new CD by Chad VanGaalen called "Soft Airplane" (Flemish Eye Records)

Although he has a couple of prior ambitious independent releases, Soft Airplane is his most accessible to date having at least something for all listeners. As a former busker in Alberta, he has been know to be an endless source of new material who continuously creates a landscape of music from everyday experiences and observation. Soft Airplane was his first release where he had the opportunity to record with ample time to create, polish, and produce what I believe to be at times both genuinely emotionally open as well as restrained.

The tracks on the album run the gambit of singer-song writer, indie pop, to electronic based pieces. I made a comment the other day to a friend of mine stating that at times it seemed part Flaming Lips part Grandaddy. After a quick listen he agreed.

So, in closing - if you are looking to purchase/download some new music I suggest you give this a listen. One of two things will happen: a) you will come back to me for other recommendations or b) this is the last post you will read of mine.

I'm good either way.

When there's nothing left to burn you have to set yourself on fire.

Could we be heading for the polls again?

Really though, although my opinions on Stephen Harper lean to the negative side (Douche bag with hair of steel) the overthrowing of the conservative government by the opposition seems a little too much like what you see in communist countries. One party doest feel the other should be in power and make power moves to dismantle them.

Doesn't this disregard the fact that the people voted him in?

I mean, I know that when you add up the votes for the Liberals and NDP and then get support from the separatists you have majority...but is that how it's supposed to work?

What an embarrassment.

The end of days are upon us!

Can you believe this shit?

Okay, so it looks like the film industry wasn't content enough with the "block buster" post-Jim Carrey movie "The Son of the Mask." Lucky for us it seems they have found another one of his vehicles to piggy back. Ace Ventura Jr. or Ace Ventura 3 as it's aptly named will be unleashed on movie screens near you in the not too distant future.

Basically this appears to be a child version of the original with the introduction of his son taking on the Pet Detective family business. Think the fat kid from Goonies with a huge Coif (see above)

If this movie makes more than $5 Million in box office sales I will practice celibacy from here on in. This way I am not at risk of having a child down the road who begs to drag me to movies of this caliber.

I know, I know....I'm no fun.

Boi-yoi-yoi-yoing!

"Stress is a biological term which refers to the consequences of the failure of a human or animal body to respond appropriately to emotional or physical threats to the organism, whether actual or imagined. It includes a state of alarm and adrenaline production, short-term resistance as a coping mechanism, and exhaustion. It refers to the inability of a human or animal body to respond. Common stress symptoms include irritability, muscular tension, inability to concentrate and a variety of physical reactions, such as headaches and accelerated heart rate."

- I can honestly say that I am at an all time low for stress levels. Exact opposite of where I should be.